“Ode to Pain”

You come from the darkness but also from the light.

Feasting on my weakness, self-doubt and any vulnerability in sight.

How did my desires turn into you?

How did they become the chains of what’s untrue?

Just when I thought I found the source of my unlimited courage,

You cripple me, repeating the words that I have encouraged:

“As long as you will need to feed your inner world through the spoons of others,

You will eventually starve and I will be the only thing that your soul ever discovers.”

Unknowingly abandoning myself, I now have to give up in order to rise up,

Create an entire universe within myself to allow freedom to eventually show up.

I've closed the door to everything so it's just you and me,

So that we can finally understand one another so that I can be free.

This time I had no choice but to show the glimpse of you to the selected few

A powerful monster with so many faces, only some of them New.

But can anyone really understand when they look at only an inch of you?

No but they’re still waiting outside that door and are the light of my New.

They will accept me in whatever format I'll emerge, whatever extra layer I accumulate.

Or will I shed the layers you have put on me over the years, without the need to dissimulate?

I will be different but so will they.

Their meaning in my life will change that day.

They say I should sit with you, forgive you and only then you will release your grip

But I finally understand that I will always have you onboard my ship.

I know I can never say goodbye to you because you will always come back

But I can live a life that will prevent you from squeezing through every crack.

They tell me you're not me that we're not one.

That it's only my relationship with you that is making me want to run.

We will never be friends but I no longer see you as my enemy or traitor

Instead you have become both my guide and a creator.

You show me where I went wrong, flying away from myself like a captured dove

Making me realise just how deep my capacity is to love.

“If I didn’t follow the loss, it would simply mean you didn’t experience open hearted love,

So I will continue to show you the power of the above

I can either break your heart shut or break your heart open,

The choice is yours, now that you have awoken.“

You show me where I’ve been and give me a choice where I can go

So for that I thank you but now I'm letting you go.

I’m drawing different features on you, those of wisdom and honesty

You're no longer my tyrant and it is you that will turn away from me

But you are getting merciless in your escapade through my roots

Are you not done yet with your pursuits?

I know there is one more mountain even you're too scared to climb

You've never been brave enough so not one tear was ever shared for that moment in time

It so darkened my soul and forever changed my world

But I cannot let you there just yet or it’ll forever leave me furled

You have broken my heart open, now please let me breathe

So that I can be Me again balancing on that sheath.