"Blissful ignorance of an ugly thumb"

The ugly truth: How you feel about any part of your body is how you feel about yourself.

From day one, the way we look becomes the source of compliments or criticism. Something we are either “proud of” or insecure about. Something we show or hide. We start to believe that it is our ticket to get noticed, to be wanted, chosen and loved. Something that either makes us fit in or not. How amusing when you think about it. How can you be proud of something you did nothing to achieve? I mean yes, you did grow those eyes, nose and legs yourself, but…..

What inspired me to write this is a chat with a few friends now who don’t like the look of their arms….and I never quite understood how can you not like something so aesthetically non-pleasing at the best of times as arms….I mean they are functional muscle or fat filled tubes that hang of our shoulders, not really something I would think of as a source of outer ugliness or beauty. But I guess you could say the same thing about all the other insecurities we have with regards to our bodies.

An inspirational speaker comes to mind, Nick Santonastasso, who only has half of his arms and no legs and who teaches how you are blessed to “get to” do the things you don’t necessarily like as opposed to “have to” do them - https://youtube.com/shorts/bXlfhWlT7HU?feature=share.

After these few minutes of listening to him putting things in a bit of a perspective for you, it might help you see your heavily self-criticised limbs through a different lens for the very first time - namely as vital means that allow you to hug, to hold, lift your kids, experience love, comfort, joy, etc.

Yes, it may make you see them differently. But do you feel any differently about them now, after a few moments have passed? I’m guessing not. Why? Because the truth is that the way you feel about your body parts is nothing to do with them or how they look – it is simply an excuse that justifies how you feel about yourself in general. It justifies not feeling deserving, enough, punishing yourself, “I will be happy when” postponement of self- acceptance and so on. If you don’t like them now, how will you feel about them and about your body when it is covered in wrinkles and skin that may be filled with some extra padding with gravity taking over? Some women who label themselves elderly say that they no longer care about how they look by that point. Some do everything they can to look 20, 30, 40, 50 again, i.e. the age you, the reader, are now hating how you look.

How long will you sentence yourself to self-hatred and criticism?

So how long will you sentence yourself to self-hatred and criticism? Till you’re 80, 90, 100 maybe? Or will it take your last ever sunset for you to finally see your body as this miraculous, capable “thing” that makes so much possible for you and makes your life more fulfilling?

It is NOT your fault. But it IS now your responsibility.

Self-hatred, self-judgement, self-criticism are all learnt behaviours. We are criticised and bullied by others. Made to feel wrong in some way and punished for not being perfect. Your body was subjected to either abuse, neglect or criticism. No, it wasn’t your fault. It is still not your fault. But it is now your responsibility. Because that external bullying, abuse, neglect, criticism by others may have lasted a few days, weeks, months, years but it is you that made it continue for every day since, for years, a lifetime. It was you that have been adding to it, punishing, hating, criticising, abusing or neglecting yourself ever since. How much was it external and how much of it came from you? That question may be painful to answer.

And guess what, when you finally have those “perfectly” shaped arms, legs, tummy, do you really expect to feel any differently about yourself? Think of someone you love unconditionally. And I mean unconditionally and not someone you are attached to through attraction or need. Imagine them with an inch less or an inch more fat around their body. Would you love them any differently if they were fatter or thinner, less or more wrinkly, had blue or white hair? Of course not. Then why do you expect to love or accept yourself any more if you change the way you look?

I’m not telling you to quit that gym membership – I’m just encouraging you to see sculpting your body as a way of experiencing what it is actually capable of, see the strength you have, embrace the flexibility, the amazing energy, vitality and health that allow you to live in a completely different way. So that your body isn’t just a coat hanger. And the concept of “fitness” becomes a way of empowerment as opposed to shaming and punishing your body.

Check out how Bond Performance Fitness Coach describes the irreplaceable power of motivation and flexibility in your approach which can virtually get us to move those illusionary mountains (more on that in my upcoming article) - https://www.instagram.com/tv/CXrRtg-hPs0/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link - “You are your motivation (…) Your non-negotiables guarantee your inner peace”. Because it is that unshakable integrity and fulfilling promises you make to yourself that are the route to that inner peace which is what true Freedom is (check out my article on Freedom here - https://www.snowliontransformations.com/post/fear-and-freedom-the-paradox-and-duality-of-illusions ).

Lack of integrity and not following through, breaking that contract with ourselves is the very thing that makes us feel ashamed, as if we failed. But what if the only way to fail is to stop? Failure, my reader, is not possible if you just keep going - Don’t pursue perfection. Pursue progress.

Oh and by the way - have you noticed it is only certain parts of the body that “we don’t like”? I’ve never heard anybody complaining that their thumb is ugly, fat or wrinkly, though objectively speaking it is not a spectacular source of beauty and has every potential to be heavily criticised. So why is that? Because we are guided like that herd of sheep by the society that creates almost an expectation to criticise certain parts or show them off like a show pony.

PUT IT INTO PRACTICE

You will not feel any differently about your body until you start perceiving it in a completely different light altogether. So where do you begin?

1. Start with appreciating what it is capable of, what it is making possible for you. Think of all of the daily miracles it performs for you. Look at that ring finger that is carrying your engagement or wedding ring. That middle finger that has the power to make people go away. That funny looking fat thumb that has the power of encouragement. That hand that waves goodbye. Those lips that can make someone’s whole day if you just point them upwards. Those arms that allow you to embrace someone who is hurting. That butt that allows you to rest and its extra padding allows for the landing to be nice and soft. Those legs that carry you wherever you want to go. Start to actually write all of it down and you will see what an ungrateful (…) you have been!

2. Stop hiding and give those particular body parts that you don’t like more positive attention: anything from massaging them, doing yoga, dance, chi gong, anything that makes you experience your body in a different way alongside your senses. Don’t hide them away – even if at first it is only when you are by yourself.

You may want to go as far as “decorate” that body part – maybe with a henna tattoo (please don’t get a tattoo just because you’ve read this….) or by putting some jewellery on it – yes they even make thigh silver chains.

Some of you may think: “But that is so superficial!” – well so are our insecurities. Our insecurities point only in one direction. It is focusing and indulging in ourselves. When we make something all about us, we get lost in insecurities and criticism. Think about it – when you are focusing on something bigger than you, something you either enjoy or something with a greater purpose, you don’t care how your tummy/ arms/ legs look like in that moment. If you are a doctor operating on someone’s heart and I told you to think about that extra inch around your arms you would think it utterly ridiculous.

SUMMARY

Remember – you only use your body as an excuse to carry shame, guilt, unworthiness, anger, frustration and to punish yourself for the “actions” of your mind. Why take out on your body what your mind does to you? And body does talk back – in the way it feels. In illness or in health.

I dare you to be unapologetically yourself and watch what happens.

I dare you to be unapologetically yourself and watch what happens. It is NONE of your business what people think of you. If they think you are beautiful or not – that is only ever to do with THEIR perception of beauty, their needs and desires.

Now put on your favourite song, move that body of yours and send me a photo of your beloved smug-from-lack-of-any-criticism decorated thumb at: snowliontransformations@gmail.com or tag me in your post @snowliontransformations.

If you want to find out more about non-conventional mindset coaching for the rule breaker in you, with some bespoke practices and solutions tailored especially to you, your fears, needs and desires, book your FREE non-committal discovery call with me here - https://www.snowliontransformations.com/book-online.

Author: an “im”perfect Snow Lion

© Agnieszka Bania 2022